1 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:09,303 EUSTAQUIO: Where are you? 2 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:11,545 FABIANA: At home. 3 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,927 Wanna come over? 4 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,537 HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE 5 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:45,955 Fabiana, is Eustaquio a guy or an animal? It's a serious question. 6 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:47,724 Both. 7 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,508 Really? Why, how come? 8 00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:52,012 Because he's truly a wild beast. 9 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:57,814 -You're dating a man-beast? -No. No way, no. I'm not dating him, no. 10 00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:01,852 He dug into my house like a tick and settled in. 11 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,147 I can't get rid of him, I'm sick of it. 12 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:07,191 Fabiana, Fabiana, what you need... 13 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,816 -is this. -Shit, yeah! 14 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:13,953 -What is that? -The contract clause 1.1. 15 00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:15,623 -Let me read it. -Sure. 16 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,411 Let's see, it says: 17 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:19,325 "In case she stays overnight 18 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,421 at the address mentioned in clause 1.2, 19 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:27,380 the guest party must leave the accommodations at 7 a.m. at the latest. 20 00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:32,133 If she doesn't comply, the expenses generated by the transportation service 21 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:35,258 shall not be covered by Astral Stick." 22 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,806 What? No way! 23 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,230 -What? -You're kidding. 24 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,848 Astral Stick. 25 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,975 -That's what you call yourself? -No way. 26 00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:45,862 Yes, in legal terms, it's my company name 27 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:50,280 and best describes what the guest is about to experience. 28 00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:53,031 -Let me see. -I want to see that. 29 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,453 -"Coital Contract." -No way. 30 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:55,492 It's for real. 31 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,954 What woman would take this seriously? Who's signed it? 32 00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,825 Well, up to now... 33 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,870 -all of them. -All three of them. 34 00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:06,337 Three per week. You never go out, so you don't know. 35 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,798 I don't know what I'm paying for. I can't believe we're friends. 36 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,209 It's just a consent form. 37 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:13,797 It ensures that everything we do is of mutual accord with no misunderstandings. 38 00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,514 If they want a serious relationship, this is the brake. 39 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,305 But it's strange that you don't like to wake up spooning. 40 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,310 Why is it strange? 41 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:25,272 It's good to have some protection in this "Me Too" climate. 42 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,734 Protection from what? Women aren't vampires, killer monsters. 43 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,275 Protection from having your heart broken? 44 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:38,201 I suppose they signed voluntarily. You weren't pointing a gun at them. 45 00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:41,504 It was voluntary, and it also protects women. Right? 46 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:45,367 Here's a copy, so you can get rid of all the Eustaquios of the world. 47 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:50,546 -No. I don't treat people like crap. -I know parasites, you're going to need it. 48 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:54,299 No. I have communication skills, I'll use them. 49 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,522 Sebas. What's up, man? 50 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:10,359 You're looking at that girl, aren't you? I caught you. 51 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:13,401 You've been staring at her like a psychopath. 52 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,275 Why don't you buy her a drink? 53 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:18,952 Sure. Just like that, in the middle of lunch? 54 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,293 Yes, there's a 50 percent chance she's going to say yes. 55 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,659 She's here for the Victoria's Secret convention, she's out of your league. 56 00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:29,288 Not true. Sebastián can pick up anyone. Whenever he wants. 57 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:33,756 She's not out of my league. If I wanted to, I could pick her up right now. 58 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,256 But I don't want to because my food will get cold. 59 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:40,854 If not for you, do it for us, dude. 60 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,770 Let us live that experience through you. 61 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,349 Move it, man. 62 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:50,271 -Go! -That's it. 63 00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:52,516 45 SECONDS LATER... 64 00:03:56,612 --> 00:04:01,412 The important thing is that you tried. That's the important thing. 65 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,992 I don't get it. 66 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:06,037 -I just asked her if she wanted a cocktail. -Sebastián, I understand. 67 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:10,041 I'm in a terrible drought myself. I'm getting sores on my... 68 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,285 Relax, you guys! Sebastián. 69 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:15,668 You're going to find someone, you won't end up alone. The end. 70 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,466 And, Fish, you... 71 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:20,589 I'm going to lend you a great skin lotion to put on your-- 72 00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:21,968 Scrotum? 73 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:25,273 -What? No way. -That has to be our Scrotum. 74 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,229 -It's not him. Scrotum weighs 260 pounds. -He was covered in acne. 75 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,850 Remember when he peed while eating a sandwich? 76 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:34,268 -I know! -Or when he got a boner in Anatomy class. 77 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:37,438 -It was so tiny! -What's up, dudes? 78 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,164 You still hang out? 79 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,622 Hey, Scrotum. What's up, buddy? 80 00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:46,701 Tony, Fish. Tony. Scrotum is dead. 81 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,247 Okay. Your obesity died too. You lost about 200 pounds. 82 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,252 -Did you move to Africa or something? -What'd you do? 83 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,802 Three letters: 84 00:04:55,879 --> 00:05:00,469 -H-I-V. -Oh, fuck, no. 85 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,431 -I'm so sorry. -How can we help? 86 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,601 -Are you all right? -HIV changed my life. 87 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,930 I can imagine. 88 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,725 It led me to find the alpha male living inside of me 89 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,308 and to understand that I have a mission in life. 90 00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:15,074 -To inspire and infect these men. -That's rough, buddy. 91 00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,612 It's not cool what he's saying. 92 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:22,614 High Intensity Virility for men. 93 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:26,988 I created that course. "H-I-V, the art of the pickup." 94 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:30,707 I began writing books, but the truth is, people don't read. 95 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:35,289 My agent told me the best thing would be a master class. 96 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,839 Are you serious? 97 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,889 You give pickup lessons? 98 00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,681 Yes. 99 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,852 -Cool. -Well, I have to go. Somebody's waiting for me. 100 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,475 -Nice seeing you, man. -Remember. HIV, huh? 101 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,404 -Bye. -Bye. 102 00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:01,196 Poor guy. His virginity's killing off his neurons. 103 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,198 -Is it to pick up men or women? -I wouldn't be so sure. 104 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:05,822 -What? -No! 105 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,618 No, don't look, Sebas! 106 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,210 -There was no need for you to come over. -Relax, man. 107 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,173 Just take your jacket and go. Okay? 108 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:21,723 Eustaquio? Nice to meet you. 109 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:24,644 Fabiana can't stop talking about you. 110 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,348 You're driving her crazy, brother. 111 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,059 -Really? -Yeah. 112 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,269 You're so indiscreet, Gonzo. You shouldn't say that. 113 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:34,191 -What's your name? -Gonzalo Torres. 114 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,229 I'm one of Fabiana's best friends. 115 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,823 -It's a pleasure. -Likewise. 116 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,108 Your jacket is in the dresser. 117 00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,193 Okay. 118 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,447 I meant to talk to you. 119 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:49,281 Don't you feel like you need space? 120 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,661 Your own space? 121 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,035 -No, skinny bones. -No? 122 00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:56,423 Your home is my temple. 123 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,090 Fabi, I found my jacket. 124 00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:02,048 -I'll put the parasite contract here. -No, don't. 125 00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:04,591 No. Take it, I don't need it. 126 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,215 Listen, Fabiana. 127 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:09,141 You're going to need it, I know the type. 128 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,811 I don't think so. I'm not like you. 129 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:14,389 -Just in case. -Take it, I won't need it. 130 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,726 I like this, you know. 131 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:20,152 Eusti. Didn't you say that my home is your temple? 132 00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,612 Yes, of course. 133 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:25,952 Then why are his things inside his bag in the living room? 134 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:30,159 -Give him a side of your dresser. -We're unpacking. 135 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,448 -Today was unpacking day, right? -Sure. 136 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,997 I didn't know it was today. 137 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,421 I'm glad you're here to witness this. 138 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,000 That's right. 139 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,746 Sorry, I wore that to go running. 140 00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:46,428 I wouldn't want to interrupt such an intimate moment... 141 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,718 -It is. -...for this couple. 142 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,431 -No. -We don't use labels, 143 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,812 we just let the energy flow. 144 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,770 You look very good together. What a beautiful couple! 145 00:07:55,851 --> 00:08:00,191 Thanks. We're not a couple, we're energy, and you're interrupting, so beat it. 146 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,902 -Bye. -Bye. 147 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,938 I'm going to give you a massage. 148 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:08,107 -Yummy, I love your massages. -I know. 149 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,583 LOCATE 150 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,666 ATTACK 151 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,723 Welcome to HIV. 152 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:38,144 This course is designed to unleash the alpha male inside of you. 153 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:42,057 Through these techniques, you will get everything you need 154 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:45,227 to pick up any woman you want. 155 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,357 Any woman. 156 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,360 What are you waiting for? 157 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,566 Why don't you get your credit card and sign up? 158 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,037 That sucks, man, it's so lame. 159 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,659 It'd be like stooping too low. 160 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,877 Absolutely, man. That's exactly what I thought. 161 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,999 Shit, I forgot, I have to study some new scenes from Adán's script. 162 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,587 -He made some changes. -Don't worry. 163 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,173 I understand. No problem. 164 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,628 -I know, dude. -That guy, man! 165 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:14,967 Go ahead, no sweat. I'll stay here, watch a series or something. 166 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,225 -Okay. Okay, good. -See you. 167 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,440 This method is guaranteed. 168 00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:25,521 Why don't you take out your credit card and subscribe? 169 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:32,159 Believe me, I have been offered thousands of pesos for the silliest contracts. 170 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,449 -And you agree that it's bullshit? -Of course. 171 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,254 Don't worry, we'll find a void. 172 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,158 -Hi! -How are you? What are you doing here? 173 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,923 This is for Daniel, he forgot it at home, his Detox. 174 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,042 -Hi. -Hi. 175 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:48,418 -How are you? -Eustaquio broke a pipe 176 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,835 -doing yoga or whatever. -Is he still at your place? 177 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:54,014 I even offered him money to leave. I don't know what to do. 178 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,814 -Black magic. -No! Not after what happened in high school. 179 00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,639 What happened? 180 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:03,725 -I summoned a spirit at my grandma's house. -It's still there. 181 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,569 Congratulations for taking this first step. 182 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,110 It's not easy to acknowledge weakness, 183 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,244 ineptitude, inferiority, and failure. 184 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,204 We have detected four types of women. 185 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,454 This depends on how much they've experienced in life. 186 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,213 The beautiful one. 187 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,579 The ugly one. 188 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:24,665 The bitter one. 189 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,380 And the one going through a breakup. 190 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,670 It's good. 191 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:31,473 Alpha represents the best genetics in the species. 192 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,678 Everybody wants to be like him. 193 00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:38,433 Beta males are the natural subordinates of alpha males. 194 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:41,523 -You! Which do you want to be? -Damn right. 195 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,020 I'm Annie Van Rickley, and I approve this message. 196 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,233 We fucked. 197 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,073 All power carries a great responsibility. 198 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,437 Welcome to the club. 199 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,952 -Thanks, man. -Fuck hot girls. 200 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,530 -What's up, dude? -What's up? 201 00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:59,075 -Did you watch your series? -Sure, I watched it. 202 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,289 -It was good. -What was it about? 203 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:07,332 About some guys who are swingers, swinger couples, 204 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,087 and they fuck each other. It's great. 205 00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,053 Just a minute. 206 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,263 Hello. 207 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,141 Congratulations, Fish! You are now HIV positive. 208 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,890 Yes. It's me. 209 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,641 Now that you've finished the online course, 210 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,394 I called to invite you tomorrow to the "Ass Hunting." 211 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,307 It's the final test to get certified. 212 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,016 Sure, at what time? 213 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,106 Eight p.m. 214 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,990 Okay, I'll be there at 8 p.m. Thank you. 215 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,122 The bank. 216 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,584 My grandmother is working at a bank now. 217 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,251 Yes, hello? 218 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,705 Congratulations, Sebastián! You are now HIV positive. 219 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:53,956 The gas company. 220 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,381 Yeah. 221 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,045 I called to invite you tomorrow to the "Ass Hunting." 222 00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:58,965 Yeah, sure. 223 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:03,102 -It's the final test to get certified. -Yes, at 8 p.m.? 224 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,101 Dress to kill, dude. 225 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,233 Thank you. 226 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,269 Ass hunting? 227 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,860 Ass hunting. 228 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,110 Hi there. 229 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,195 How are you? 230 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,953 Oh, you fixed your lunch with my food. 231 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,662 No. No, it looks good. 232 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,412 I can see you used a lot of ingredients. 233 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,616 I don't know how to cook, so... 234 00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,667 It's admirable. 235 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:35,210 Listen, I was thinking that since you're moving out today, 236 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:39,337 I thought I'd order the Uber for you since you don't know how to use the app. 237 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,716 Or take you, I could take you myself. 238 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,013 -Hi, Fabi? -What are you doing here? 239 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,427 You want something to eat? 240 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:50,265 Let me see if there's any left because this motherfucker eats a lot! 241 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,654 Not really, not really. 242 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,400 What are you doing here? 243 00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:58,993 We were waiting for you to celebrate, but you got here kind of late. 244 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,070 -Celebrate what? -You wanna tell her? 245 00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,736 Go ahead, you tell her. 246 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,865 We're celebrating the arrival of Eustaqui into our lives. 247 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,543 I gave him your emergency key so he can come and go freely. 248 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834 What...? 249 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,378 -...a good idea. -Yeah, right? 250 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,383 It's great. I love it! We're going to have a blast. 251 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,796 Namaste. Namaste. 252 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:40,114 You're kidding. Wow. 253 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,489 Guys. 254 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,495 I underestimated this thing. 255 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,828 Look at the chicks, they're all smoking hot. 256 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:55,344 But you don't need a course, just stick with me and everything will be fine. 257 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,838 Did you come merely to criticize the course? Go away. 258 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,632 I came to laugh at you and to teach you 259 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,136 that the best master class is going out with me. 260 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:07,259 -We already paid. -Now we have to finish. 261 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,887 -We shouldn't leave things halfway done. -It's not our style. 262 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,765 Welcome, my dear alpha males. 263 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,693 Gonzo. Are you here to hunt as well? 264 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,653 Thanks, Scrotum. I don't need a manual to pick up chicks. 265 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,284 That's for adolescents in 2009. 266 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:26,532 If you're staying with this dude, good luck hunting, studs. 267 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:29,536 I'll be at my table if you need me. 268 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,160 His name is Tony. 269 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,207 Who said you could invite him? 270 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,748 -Sorry, he tagged along. -Sorry, teacher. 271 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,915 Well, by the end of the night, 272 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,764 depending on your performance, if you hunt good asses, 273 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,220 I'll have a surprise for you. 274 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:48,430 You're going to get a beautiful HIV Positive badge. 275 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:52,483 -No way! -Hey. Only if you do it. 276 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,479 Okay? 277 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,477 Is smoking allowed in here? 278 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:03,070 Choose your prey. 279 00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,238 Preferably, don't choose women who are by themselves. 280 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,914 Those are too confident. 281 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,793 Look for one who's in a herd. 282 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,496 Be cold and distant. 283 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,003 I'll pay, of course. 284 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:23,086 Remember, he who shows his hunger doesn't eat. 285 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,930 Do the courting dance. 286 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,770 Show her a true alpha male. 287 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,863 Tell interesting stories. 288 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,648 I told Adán that once we're in Cannes, I might even cry. 289 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:47,284 -Display your popularity. -But then her dog committed suicide. 290 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:50,494 This will distinguish you from the others. 291 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:55,333 She likes you, she wants to call the alpha's attention. 292 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:59,173 She makes visual contact. Let her take the first step. 293 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,250 -I'm Rebe. -Sebastián. 294 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,376 Don't show interest in the female. 295 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:07,053 Indifference. This is a crucial point. 296 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,263 It's where you let the true artist out. 297 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:15,095 If this doesn't work, prepare your last resource: a magic trick. 298 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,313 -Here we go, one, two, three. -That kills them. 299 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,567 Oh fuck! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 300 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,909 It's time for the first physical contact. 301 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,700 A slight brush is enough for the rest of the night. 302 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:47,008 -Good evening. May I offer you a drink? -Hi, good evening. 303 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:51,470 -I'd like the beef carpaccio, please. -Beef carpaccio. 304 00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:54,313 -Of course. Right ahead. -Thank you. 305 00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,102 Here's some trivia. 306 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:03,185 Did you know that clams have more iron than beef? 307 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:10,659 This is a very exotic type of clam. 308 00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:12,489 Try it. 309 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,454 No, thank you. I'm fine. 310 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,246 It can only be found on the coast, 311 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,658 between the southwestern Atlantic in Brazil 312 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,668 and the Black River in Argentina. 313 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,710 It's delicious. Try it. 314 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,674 All right. 315 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,009 I'm joking, they catch them in Acapulco. 316 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,893 You're hilarious. 317 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,903 Did you bring what I told you to? 318 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,146 That's gross. Wasn't it easier to bring a hair? 319 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,235 No. There are toe nails all over my place. 320 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:54,531 You're kidding. I can't believe this guy. 321 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,621 -Is the photo necessary? -Yes, it accelerates the process. 322 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,330 Give me your hand. 323 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:10,668 I want you to imagine that Eustaquio is falling into a black hole. It's very deep. 324 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,719 All the way down, 325 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,973 but you can't see the bottom. 326 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,273 -Did you feel that? -What? 327 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,308 Let me see, come on. 328 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,823 -Relax, Fabi. Just one builder died here. -What? 329 00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,861 -He was peaceful. -Please, no. 330 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:36,238 -Look who's here! -Oh, my goodness. 331 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,204 It's my friend, Palazuelos. 332 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,874 -My dear Tony. -What's up? How are you, bro? 333 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,214 I've been transformed! 334 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:47,838 I have to tell you that your course is giving me back my mojo. 335 00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:50,959 I'm convinced that you're a genius! 336 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:54,007 -No way. You're the genius! -No. It's you! 337 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:58,182 -No. It's you. You! -You are the genius, Tony! 338 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:01,063 Some models from New York are coming to Tulum. 339 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,520 -We're going to be on my yacht. -Of course! 340 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:10,733 -You're the expert! Teach me! -Please, you should be teaching me. 341 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,027 Girls, let me introduce you to Tony. 342 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,571 -The greatest of geniuses. -Take care of him, please. 343 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,405 The diamond, the diamond. 344 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,240 God bless you, bro. You've changed my life. 345 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,826 -You're the best. -Likewise. 346 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,501 -You're an expert! -Oh, please. If you insist. 347 00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:27,001 -Great. Excuse me. -Bye. 348 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,785 -I'm going to the bathroom. -Okay. 349 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,260 Cheers! Cheers! 350 00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,182 Fish! Fish, Fish. 351 00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,101 Fish, did you see her? 352 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,639 How are you doing? Nothing yet? 353 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,814 What can I say? 354 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:47,732 It may sound odd, but women don't like it when you burn their arms. 355 00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:50,522 -What? That was you? -Yes, it most certainly was me. 356 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,317 You're shitting me. 357 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,950 Dude, I'm starting to think that either I'm a total idiot 358 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,699 or this course doesn't work. 359 00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,660 Look, the course does work 360 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:02,161 because HIV is positive, man. 361 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,753 -Okay, dude. -Here's my champ! 362 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:08,119 -I saw you, man. Excellent hunting. -Thanks, man. 363 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,247 -I see you made it. -All thanks to you. 364 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:14,375 -She's in the bathroom. What's next? -In order to close with a grand finale, dude... 365 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,586 -a golden pill. -You're kidding, what for? 366 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,257 So your nerves don't affect your performance. 367 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,767 -What a good idea! -It's a present for you. 368 00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,139 -Thank you so much, really. -There's nothing to thank. 369 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:31,811 -What's up with you, Fish? -I'm hanging in there, shifu. 370 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,146 Let's see, repeat after me. 371 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,404 HIV Positive... 372 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,162 HIV Positive. 373 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,989 No, try again. HIV Positive. 374 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,866 -HIV Positive. -Stand strong. 375 00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,663 -HIV Positive. -HIV Positive. 376 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,916 -HIV Positive. -Help him. 377 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,288 HIV Positive. 378 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,825 H-I-V Positive. 379 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,958 No way. HIV Positive! 380 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,795 -HIV Positive! -That's it. 381 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,720 HIV Positive. 382 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,379 -Stand your ground! -HIV Positive! 383 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,047 -That's it! -Come again. 384 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,295 -HIV Positive! -HIV Positive! 385 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,678 -HIV Positive! -I'm HIV Positive! 386 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,175 That's it, that's it! Way to go, dude. 387 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:19,067 -What are you doing? -Sorry, I took your robe and flat iron. 388 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:22,823 Are you straightening your pubs? 389 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,792 Yes, I like the way it looks. 390 00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,948 I'll braid it all like a Viking. 391 00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:37,125 So I climbed down Kilimanjaro, all tattered and torn, 392 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:40,343 and three elephants were chasing me. And, boy, can they run. 393 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,585 People don't know how fast they can run. 394 00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:45,637 But I didn't mind because someday it would be an anecdote 395 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:48,272 that I would tell a beautiful woman to make her laugh. 396 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:51,942 Hey, Ania. 397 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,733 I like you. 398 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,940 Hey, Gonzalo. You're not so bad yourself. 399 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,700 We're having a good time, aren't we? 400 00:22:04,157 --> 00:22:05,617 Yes. 401 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:08,490 Would you like to continue having a blast? 402 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:12,710 -Together. -Well... 403 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,325 Yeah. 404 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:22,335 This is a standard Consent and Non-repetition Contract. 405 00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:25,425 Sign it, and I'll invite you to play at my place. 406 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:28,100 How elaborate. 407 00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:33,438 Except that... 408 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,269 I see a loophole in your little contract. 409 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:40,775 I doubt it. You know who wrote it? The most stuck-up law firm in the country. 410 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:44,110 Believe me, these dudes don't make mistakes. 411 00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:49,122 I don't doubt it, except... 412 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,292 I'm a transsexual woman, and from what I can see, 413 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:55,961 there's no mention of it in your contract. 414 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,296 Okay. 415 00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:03,715 See you. 416 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,890 I don't know what to do, she stirred me. 417 00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:15,193 She's very sexy and pleasant, but she caught me by surprise. 418 00:23:15,269 --> 00:23:17,019 What's the issue, then? 419 00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:21,145 The fact of thinking that she used to be a guy. Come on! 420 00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,204 Listen, after everything you've said about Ania, 421 00:23:24,278 --> 00:23:26,738 she's a woman in every sense of the word. 422 00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,333 -That shouldn't bother you. -Right on. 423 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:32,498 I know, Sebastián, but it's not that easy to process. 424 00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:35,248 And I'm a very liberal person. 425 00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:38,500 My best advice to you is enjoy it, experience it, do it. 426 00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:41,844 Forget your prejudice. Just enjoy it, man. 427 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:45,171 Yeah, man. If you like her, go for it. 428 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:50,972 You're right. It's so lame to get stuck on rancid sexual hang-ups. 429 00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:53,675 -We're modern men, dudes. -Exactly. 430 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:59,442 -There you go. -Thanks. 431 00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:04,937 -It's short. -You didn't meet your quota again, Tony. 432 00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:08,157 My Hungry Powerful Vaginas deserve more. 433 00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:12,579 -Much more. -Look, Sonia, it's quality, not quantity. 434 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,750 A loser actor and his stooge? 435 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:16,829 Those guys are stinking up my club. 436 00:24:16,914 --> 00:24:20,714 If you don't bring studs that my girls can flirt with, 437 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:23,673 this whole scam will collapse. And then what? 438 00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:27,554 I'll lose my HPV and you'll lose HIV. How about that? 439 00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:31,973 Look, Tony. This is business, not a Red Cross drive. 440 00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:40,515 No, no, no. One guy can pick up three chicks. 441 00:24:40,605 --> 00:24:42,265 -I need more! -So... 442 00:24:42,356 --> 00:24:43,606 Scrotum! 443 00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:48,905 I want my money back, man. 444 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,414 Okay... 445 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:57,246 I think you need a one-on-one course, for special people like you. 446 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:02,380 No offense but stop pretending. I know about HPV. 447 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:06,915 This is a scam, give me back my money! 448 00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:10,970 Now, Fish, not only is this not a scam, 449 00:25:11,052 --> 00:25:13,302 we brought broads who want to flirt. 450 00:25:13,387 --> 00:25:17,637 You couldn't be more stupid or a bigger loser. 451 00:25:17,725 --> 00:25:20,225 -You're a fucking omega. -Yes, I'm an omega. 452 00:25:20,311 --> 00:25:22,611 I'm an idiot and I'm a loser, 453 00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:25,818 but three things are very clear to me, man. 454 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:29,610 One: women aren't prey. 455 00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:33,525 Two: people have feelings. 456 00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:37,156 And three: above all else, 457 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,155 you don't need a course 458 00:25:39,247 --> 00:25:42,537 to learn how to relate to women normally, dude. 459 00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:45,665 How are you supposed to develop self-confidence 460 00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:49,013 if you're always acting like Palazuelos, the soap opera star? 461 00:25:49,090 --> 00:25:51,470 What year are you from, 2005? 462 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:53,680 For God's sake, wake up. 463 00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:56,101 I'd rather never have sex 464 00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:58,270 than be a Neanderthal like you. 465 00:25:58,349 --> 00:25:59,429 Sorry. 466 00:25:59,517 --> 00:26:01,977 You fucking omega loser. 467 00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:05,061 Goodbye, I'm going to pick up a girl. 468 00:26:05,147 --> 00:26:07,277 -Bye. -Hey. 469 00:26:07,358 --> 00:26:09,358 What did you say your name was? 470 00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:13,741 I'm Fish. 471 00:26:13,823 --> 00:26:15,073 Sonia. 472 00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:17,867 It's a pleasure. Do you dance? 473 00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:24,707 Ania... Sorry, I did it all wrong. 474 00:26:24,792 --> 00:26:26,172 What are you doing? 475 00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:27,462 Asking for a ride. 476 00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:29,665 No, no, no. Let me see. 477 00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:31,545 Cancel it. 478 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,813 Eustaquio! 479 00:26:40,891 --> 00:26:42,691 What's up? 480 00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:46,107 Can you come here, please? 481 00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:50,605 Did you see what I brought? 482 00:26:51,819 --> 00:26:54,529 -You bought all that? -Sure did, girl. 483 00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:57,033 It was uncool to empty out your fridge. 484 00:26:57,825 --> 00:26:59,905 Sorry. What were you going to say? 485 00:27:00,536 --> 00:27:02,196 Nothing. I forgot. 486 00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:05,458 Well, with that sour sauce you brought, 487 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:08,841 I'm going to make you a delicious wok of... 488 00:27:08,919 --> 00:27:12,509 What's wrong, what happened? 489 00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:13,920 I hit my little toe. 490 00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:17,218 Oh, no! That little toe is so painful. 491 00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:20,063 It's so nice that you remembered to buy peppers. 492 00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:22,849 I thought you didn't hear me when I said I needed some-- 493 00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:25,813 No, that's not yours. That's not for you. 494 00:27:25,895 --> 00:27:27,475 That's not for you, Eustaquio! 495 00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:30,903 -Really? -No, that's not... It's not for you. 496 00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:34,493 Oh, man. If you wanted me to go, you should have said so. 497 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:38,780 I thought we flowed together and that you were an honest woman, 498 00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:41,736 beautiful inside and out, a being of light. 499 00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:44,997 -I'm sorry. -Look. Don't worry. 500 00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:50,841 I can drop by some other day to align your chakras, and we'll be good. 501 00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:53,757 I'm going to pick up my stuff. 502 00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:55,339 My underwear's still wet, 503 00:27:55,424 --> 00:27:59,104 but there's a breeze, or I can blow on them so they'll dry. 504 00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,258 Whatever. 505 00:28:01,639 --> 00:28:02,889 Eustaquio. 506 00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,680 What? 507 00:28:07,269 --> 00:28:09,609 Don't say anything to Gonzalo, please. 508 00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:14,188 I suppose it hasn't been easy for you to have relationships. 509 00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:16,856 You can't imagine. 510 00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:19,816 I'm a transwoman, but I'm heterosexual. 511 00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:21,947 I like heterosexual men. 512 00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:24,504 But most of them don't consider me 513 00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:28,078 a viable option as a long-term couple. 514 00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:32,455 So my demographic group is fairly reduced. 515 00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:35,457 I think... 516 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,471 I'm part of that group. 517 00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:46,352 Just a moment. 518 00:28:46,851 --> 00:28:48,941 -I have two conditions, okay? -Okay. 519 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,899 -One: no more talking about the trans topic. -Fine. 520 00:28:51,981 --> 00:28:55,901 -If you have any questions, google them. -Okay. 521 00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:59,815 And... I don't want to be a fetish. 522 00:28:59,905 --> 00:29:02,865 I don't want to feel like you're experimenting with me 523 00:29:02,950 --> 00:29:04,120 just to see what it's like. 524 00:29:04,201 --> 00:29:06,911 And I don't want to be the funny anecdote you tell your friends about. 525 00:29:06,996 --> 00:29:09,166 Look, Ania, this is very new to me. 526 00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:12,288 But I'm here for one reason. 527 00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:16,260 I like you, okay? 528 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:18,971 Okay. 529 00:29:24,889 --> 00:29:27,309 But I have one condition too. 530 00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:29,141 You have to sign my contract. 531 00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:32,556 There's no distinction, 532 00:29:32,646 --> 00:29:34,316 sign it, please. 533 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:36,612 Okay. 534 00:29:37,151 --> 00:29:39,451 Rules are rules. 535 00:29:39,528 --> 00:29:42,358 We'll see about changing them later. 536 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:54,077 Let her breathe. 537 00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,762 Hey. 538 00:29:58,172 --> 00:30:00,672 -Shall we go to my place? -No. 539 00:30:01,342 --> 00:30:03,552 -Here. -Here? 540 00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,226 Sorry... 541 00:30:12,603 --> 00:30:14,273 Just a sec. 542 00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:15,647 What is it? 543 00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:17,726 This... 544 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,320 -I met a girl a couple of days ago... -Really? 545 00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:25,413 Wait, wait. I've been looking for her, and I didn't expect to... 546 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:28,581 It's nothing personal, but this... 547 00:30:29,119 --> 00:30:31,119 You're so lame. Bye.